Between Naija’s rich president and his poor critics

Between Naija's rich president and his poor critics
Mar 16 2016

President Muhammadu Buhari
I don't see anything wrong with Sai Baba saying it as it is - only those who could sign dollar or sterling cheques should send their children to schools abroad. If your account is denominated in Naira, try the bureau de change and see the difference between your millions and toilet paper. The naked truth is that the Central Bank of Naija should not break a vault to satisfy the bragging rights of paupers wanting to join the ranks of those who were trained abroad. By the last count, only churches and mosques outnumber private schools in Naija charging handsome fees and issuing certificates as and when due.
According to usually unreliable statistics, only ten out of 100 students who qualify for tertiary education in Naija get admission. That is not bad because, if you are listening to the debates on radio and television, there is no need for all of us to go to universities - and they are right. The 'I am a graduate' bragging right has prevented many graduates from working as drivers of Dangote trucks. In the days of Chinua Achebe's No Longer At Ease it took a whole community to send a child to school abroad, upon return, the entire community stood still as they rolled out the drums of welcome. A change of that situation could lead to grievous social discombobulation.

It becomes a plague if every household could boast of a foreign graduate. In Ekiti where it almost happened, voters stepped back to elect Digbolugi Ayo Fayose a man whose understanding of the value of education is daily put into question by reasons of his very poor reasoning albeit street smart political logic. A world where there are no more roadside sellers of akara, akamu, bread and shayi would make AEPB and similar organisations redundant, leading to massive unemployment. A situation where cooks are needed in the presidential villa but Naija could not hire foreign-trained ones would lead to loss of revenue for printers. No foreign-trained cook would print a card announcing with glee as in the past - presidential cook! There are potential dangers here people.
If the trend of indiscriminately sending children to foreign schools abroad continues, who would drive the president or cook for him, who would sweep the streets and mow the lawn? Who would service our sinnators, rebels, chairmen and administrators? When politics comes back again, who would act as thugs, yan tauri, kalare, area boys?
Imagine what happens in broadcasting where every on-air personality acquires a New York of London accent thereby depriving listeners and viewers the power of comprehension although most of them have never gone to Cotonou. What's wrong with Sai Baba's preferred presidential accent? We are on the verge of linguistic annihilation here and it must be stopped.
Mr. President is one of the few dozens on whom providence has granted the rare privilege of signing cheques in pound sterling. I know some people find it hard to believe that a man who, only months ago told the world that he had to obtain a bank loan to purchase his presidential form now boasts that his children were schooling abroad because he could afford it. O ye of little faith, do you not know that Allah truly works in miraculous ways to accomplish His will.
Some of you recall the iconic scenes of Sai Baba's tear-jerking third presidential ambition after which his Abuja landlord allegedly threw out his chattels. Those chattels made an ignominious journey on the back of a trailer back to Kaduna. Like the unbelievable scene taken from a Nollywood movie, we did not know that the report is gbeleko or false. At least from Sai Baba's asset declaration, we have discovered that he is an Abuja landlord, a very rare privilege indeed. Those who believed the first story forgot that a man who was a former military ruler, former petroleum minister and former chair of the PTF is very unlikely to be unable to sign a dollar cheque.
Paupers should not approach the Central Bank of Naija for foreign exchange to finance their egotistic children's education abroad. Our foreign reserves should not be depleted for paying fees leaving out estacodes to those who make the presidential convoys to those foreign countries wooing investors. The presidential limousines should not suffer spare parts. I recall the pitiable report of the air force sourcing its parts from Innoson Motors in Nnewi which probably led to several crashes in the fight against Boko Haram; we cannot allow such tragedies on the presidential air fleet. Imagine a situation where the son or daughter of the president is applying for a position and a pauper's son or daughter is competing with them either now or in the future, just because their silly parents also sent them to foreign schools - tufiakpa! This is not the change we voted for. Let there forever be a distinction between the children of drawers of water and the hewers of wood. This banal truth is what happens when a rich president confronts his poor critics.
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